I bet ya' didn't know:
"Blonde" is the word for a FEMALE with yellow hair
and "blond" is the word for males with the same color hair.
Surprise!

Submitted by Cicec

~~~~~

    A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
    "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
    "Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
    "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
    "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
    "Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth." 

~~~~~

     One morning this blonde calls her friend and says "Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to start it."
     Her friend asks, "What is it a puzzle of?"
     The blonde says, "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
     The blonde's friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box.
     He then turns to her and says: "First, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger." "Second, I'd advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.

Submitted by RPiat1

~~~~~

Blonde Guys

     Three blonde men are stranded on one side of a wide river, and don't know how to get across. The first man prays to God to make him smart enough to figure out how to cross the river, so God turns him into a brown-haired man and he swims across.
     The second man prays to God to make him even smarter, so God turns him into a dark-haired man and he builds a boat and rows across.
     Then the third man prays to God to make him the smartest of all, so God turns him into a woman and he walks across the bridge.

Submitted by Zaxgram

~~~~~

    A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
    A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?
    "The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: "W"

~~~~~

     A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over.  When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket.
     He drew a circle on the side of the road and  gruffly commanded the blonde "stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!". He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.
     When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said "Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!" He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car.
     When he turns  and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad. He  gets his knife back out and slices all her tires.
     Now she's laughing. The  truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.
     He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.
     "What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.
     She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!"

Submitted by Sassy - visit her sites at http://www.sassy1.com

~~~~~

     A man was driving along the highway and saw a rabbit hopping across the  middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful that he began to cry.
     A blonde woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. "I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it." The blonde told the man not to worry. She knew what to do.
     She went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can all over the rabbit. Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. Fifty feet away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two again, hopped down the road another 50 feet, turned, waved, and hopped another 50 feet.
     The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can! He ran over to the woman and demanded, "What was in your spray can? What did you spray on that rabbit?" The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label.

It said:
(Are you ready for this?)

(Are you sure?)

(OK, here it comes . . . )

"Hair Spray - Restores Life to Dead Hair. Adds Permanent Wave."

Submitted by Qiltmeister

~~~~~

     A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has  become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune...
     The Walmart manager sees her and shuts the horse off.

Submitted by Moodybluze

~~~~~

     A highway patrolman spots a car speeding along on the highway. Glancing at the car he was astonished to see a blonde behind the wheel was knitting.   The Trooper saw this, cranked down his window and yelled...... "PULL OVER!"
     "NO!" yelled the blonde.
     "SCARF!"

Submitted by Cicec

~~~~~

A True Blonde Story

    A true story. If she had killed herself, she'd be a shoo-in for the Darwin Award (might be a problem in the gene pool).
     Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert an hour east of Bakersfield, a blonde, new to boating, was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22-ft Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong.
     A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order.  The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath the boat.
     He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.

Submitted by Rayes

~~~~~

Kidnapping

     There was this blonde who needed money badly. She then decides to kidnap a little boy. She finds a boy then she brings him to the playground, She explains to him that she has kidnapped him for money, then she writes a ransom note saying that she has kidnapped their son and she demanding $10,000 cash. She wants it in a brown paper bag under the pear tree in the park, The blonde signs the letter THE BLONDE!!!! She then pins the letter to the boys chest and sends him home...
     The next day the blonde goes to the pear tree to find the brown bag under the tree with the $10,000 in it with a note that reads... How could you do this sort of thing to a fellow Blonde??!!

Submitted by DkSdBubba

~~~~~

The Blonde and the Shepard

     Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days later, as she was driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass.  Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?"
     The shepherd, always the gentleman, replied, "Of course."
     The blonde thought for a moment and for no discernible reason said, "352."
     This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably totally amazed and exclaimned, "You're right. Okay. I will keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."
     The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked one that was by far cuter and more playful then the others.
     When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"

Submitted by Gr8SmokyMt

~~~~~

     A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her "go do something to prove them wrong! Why don't you learn all the state capitals or something?"
    The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying.
    The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims, "I'm NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name ALL the state capitals!"
    The guy doesn't believe her, so she dares him to test her. He says "Okay, what's the Capital of Montana?"
    The blonde tosses her hair in triumph and says, "That's easy! It's M!"

~~~~~

     A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said 'DISNEYLAND LEFT'. After thinking for a minute, she said to herself, "Oh well!" and turned around and drove home.
     On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said 'CLEAN RESTROOMS - 8 MILES'.   By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

~~~~~

Lotto!

     A blonde woman named Brandi finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."
     Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Brandi again prays..."God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night comes and Brandi still has no luck.
     Once again, she prays..."My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."
     Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Brandi is confronted by the voice of God Himself:
     "Brandi, meet me halfway on this. Buy a ticket."

Submitted by Gr8SmokyMt

~~~~~

Logic Dictates

     There's a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead traveling through the desert when their car suddenly stalls. They all get out of the car and, upon realizing that it's not going to start, they each take one thing from the car. The brunette takes a bottle of water, the redhead takes a bag of food with her, and the blonde takes the car door.
     They begin to walk through the desert, and soon stop to rest. At this point the blonde and the brunette turn to the redhead and ask her why she brought the food. She replies, "Well, in case I get hungry I'll have something to eat." They all think this is pretty reasonable and then the redhead and the blonde turn to the brunette and ask her why she decided to bring water. The brunette replies, "Well, in case I got thirsty I'll have something to drink." They all decide that's a good idea, too.
     Finally, the brunette and the redhead turn to the blonde and ask her why on earth she would take the car door. She replies, "Well, I thought if I got hot I could roll down the window."

Submitted by Cicec

~~~~~

    Two blondes and a brunette were walking down the beach when a seagull dumps a load on one of the blondes. 
    The brunette says "I'll go and get some toilet paper."
    When she left, one blonde turns to the other and says, "Boy, is she ever stupid. By the time she gets back, that seagull will be miles away."

~~~~~

Heads or Tails

The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, uttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour. But I'm rechecking my answers."

Submitted by Ray

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This page was last edited 02/03/05.