If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.

~~~~~

If you're not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.

~~~~~

If that phone was up your butt, maybe you could drive a little better.

~~~~~

Yes, this is my pickup. No, I will not help you move.

~~~~~

Cover me.  I'm changing lanes.

~~~~~

I brake for no apparent reason.

~~~~~

Forget about world peace.
Visualize using your turn signal.

~~~~~

No radio - already stolen.

~~~~~

Keep honking...I'm reloading.

~~~~~

Caution!  I drive like you do.

~~~~~

Student Driver
Get the hell out of my way!

~~~~~

OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?

~~~~~

Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.

~~~~~

I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

~~~~~

So many stupid people...so few comets.

~~~~~

We have enough youth.
How about a Fountain of Smart?

~~~~~

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

~~~~~

Lottery:  A tax on people who are bad at math.

~~~~~

It IS as bad as you think
and they ARE out to get you.

~~~~~

Auntie Em...Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog.
Dorothy

~~~~~

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

~~~~~

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

~~~~~

Out of my mind.
Back in five minutes.

~~~~~

Forget the Joneses, I keep us up with the Simpsons.

~~~~~

Born free.
Taxed to death.

~~~~~

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

~~~~~

Laugh alone and the world things you're an idiot.

~~~~~

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

~~~~~

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep.

~~~~~

Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.

~~~~~

Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

~~~~~

All generalizations are false.

~~~~~

Montana -- At least our cows are sane!

~~~~~

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

~~~~~

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

~~~~~

If you don't like the news, go out and make some.

~~~~~

When you do a good deed,
get a receipt in case heaven is like the IRS.

~~~~~

Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.

~~~~~

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

~~~~~

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

~~~~~

Few women admit their age.  Fewer men act it.

~~~~~

I don't suffer from insanity.  I enjoy every minute of it.

~~~~~

Tell me to "stuff it."  I'm a taxidermist.

~~~~~

IRS:  We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

~~~~~

Time is the best teacher.
Unfortunately it kills all its students.

~~~~~

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

~~~~~

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

~~~~~

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.

~~~~~

Pride is what we have.
Vanity is what others have.

~~~~~

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

~~~~~

Reality?  Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?

~~~~~

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

~~~~~

I love cats...they taste just like chicken.

~~~~~

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

~~~~~

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

~~~~~

We are born naked, wet, and hungry.
Then things get worse.

~~~~~

Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.

~~~~~

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

~~~~~

Friends help you move.
Real friends help you move bodies.

~~~~~

Very funny, Scotty.
Now beam down my clothes.

~~~~~

Don't squat with your spurs on.

There's More!
Quick Link to ButlerWebs' Bumper Stickers Page 2

~~~~~

This is a really, really FUNNY page!
Not bumper stickers, but close...
Pete's Tombstone Page
Some of the funniest epitaph's you've ever seen!
Here's an example of one:
Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:
Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.

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This page was last edited 02/03/05.