There was a woman who sent ten different puns to friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

~~~~~

Ok here it is... the world's worst joke and I defy anyone to find one worse!  (Submitted by Diesel...):

    Quasimodo, the demented bell ringer of Notre Dame, put an ad in the papers for a assistant bell ringer. One man applied for the job but he had no arms.
    "How are you going to assist me?" asked Quasimodo.
    "That's easy!" replied the man and he ran at the bell and banged it with his head.
    BONG!
    "That's amazing!" said Quasimodo. "Could you show me that again?"
    "Sure!" said the man and he ran at the bell again but he missed the swinging bell and fell out of the bell tower. A crowd huddled around the hapless man lying in the street and a police office asked, "Does anyone know who he is?"
    Quasimodo came out and said...

"I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME, BUT HIS FACE SURE RINGS A BELL!"

And thanks Walt for sending us the other half of this joke!

The day after the guy with no arms fell to his death, another fellow shows up and said that he was the brother of the man with no arms and he wanted to audition for the bell ringers job. Quasimodo takes him to the bell tower, the guy picks up the wooden mallet and starts to ring the bells. He took a huge swing, missed the bell and fell over the balcony to his death. Quasimodo runs outside and the policeman asks him who the fellow was. Quasimodo says, "I never got his name but he's a dead ringer for his brother."

Submitted by Walt Long

~~~~~

A Potato Story

    You know that all potatoes have eyes . . . Well, Mr. and Mrs. Potato had eyes for each other. They finally got married and had a little one -- a real SWEET POTATO whom they called "Yam."  They wanted the best for little Yam, telling her all about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and getting Half Baked because she could get Mashed, get a bad name like Hot Potato, and then end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.
    She said not to worry -- no Mr. McSpud would get her in the sack and make a Rotten Potato out of her! But she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either. She would get plenty of food and exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.  Mr. and Mrs. Potato even warned Yam, before sending her to Europe, to watch out for the Hard Boiled guys from Ireland and the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. They also said that she should watch out for the Indians, when going out west, because
she could get Scalloped.
    Mr. and Mrs. Potato wanted the best for Yam, so they sent her to "Idaho P.U." (Potato University) from which the Big Potatoes come; then, when she graduated, she'd really be in the Chips. But one day she came home and told them she was going to marry Walter Cronkite. Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset. They told her that she couldn't marry him, because he's just a . . .

COMMON TATER!

~~~~~

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

~~~~~

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.

~~~~~

Census taker: How many children do you have?
Woman: Four.
Census taker: May I have their names, please?
Woman: Eenie, Meenie, Minie and George.
Census taker: Okay, that's fine. But may I ask why you named your fourth child George?
Woman: Because we didn't want any Mo.

~~~~~

Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

~~~~~

Birds are grouchy in the morning because their bills are over dew.

~~~~~

To see a picture of
A chick with nice knockers
CLICK HERE

~~~~~

Art Thief

Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Econoline van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied:

I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

Submitted by Cicec

~~~~~

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

~~~~~

    A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
    After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
    "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
    "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

~~~~~

~~~~~

A prison inmate had his prosthetic leg confiscated after he used it in a brawl with another prisoner. When the inmate found out the authorities were taking away his leg, he was hopping mad.

~~~~~

Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"
Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband: "What? At 2 AM?!"
Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."

~~~~~

Did you hear the one about the mushroom who couldn't get a date?

"I don't know why the girls don't like me.  I'm such a fungi.

Submitted by Cicec

~~~~~

    A woman had twins, and gave them up for adoption at birth. One of the twins went to a family in Egypt, and was named "Amal." The other twin went to a family in Spain, and they named him "Juan."
    Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.
    Her husband responded, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal." 

~~~~~

    The banker fell overboard while taking a cruise on a friend's sailboat. The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, and not knowing if the banker could swim, shouted, "Can you float alone?"
    "Of course!" the banker yelled back, "but this is a heck of a time to talk business."

Submitted by Cicec

~~~~~

    The problem - There's a box with a hole at each end and there's a rabbit in the box. The rabbit sticks his head out of the hole in one end, and a minute later he sticks it out the other end. Half a minute later, his head appears at the opposite end, a fourth of a minute later it appears at the end opposite to that one, an eighth of a minute later...etc., etc.
     How long will it take before the rabbit sticks its head out of both ends of the box at the same time?
    In theory, two minutes.
    In practice, no answer is possible unless you split hares.

~~~~~

    Back during the days of expansion to the west, people traveled by stagecoach. This was not a particularly comfortable way to go, with the bumpy paths and crowded seats. However, there wasn’t much choice.
    Being in business to make money, the operators of these stagecoaches tried to think of various ways to increase revenue on each trip. People were willing to pay not only to ride out west, but they were willing to pay to ship things to friends and relatives who had already relocated. Of course, passengers were the most lucrative. So it follows that the more people you could transport on each trip, the more money the company made.
    With that in mind, these companies began restricting passengers to being under a certain weight, in order to fit three people in a seat instead of only two. Not only was this extremely uncomfortable for the travelers, but it became obvious to those wishing to relocate that there would be no west for the reary.

~~~~~

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.
He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

Submitted by Cicec

~~~~~

The Brooms

    Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom and the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.
    After the wedding at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!
    "Impossible!!" said the groom broom.  We haven't even swept together!"

Submitted by BabyGrnd4u

~~~~~

    One Christmas, Phil and Will built a skating rink in the middle of a pasture. A shepherd leading his flock decided to take a shortcut across the rink. The sheep, however, were afraid of the ice and wouldn't cross it.
    Desperate, the shepherd began tugging them to the other side.
    "Look at that," remarked Phil to Will. "That guy is trying to pull the wool over our ice!"

When Words Collide
A special section on www.MindBluff.com
with lots of Pun Comics
http://mindbluff.com/puncom1.htm

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